YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN INDIAN IF / WHEN ……….1. CRICKET IS A NATIONAL OBSESSION... ESP. INDIA-PAK MATCHES.... ANDBETTING,BOOKIES & MATCH-FIXING ARE ALL A PART OF THIS "GAME".2. MEN adjoin THEIR ITCHING CROTCH/GROIN IN PUBLIC.... OR stroke IT FOR TIMEPASS.3. MEN URINATE AGAINST THE protect IN PUBLIC.4. STRAIGHT/HETEROSEXUAL MEN direct HANDS IN THE STREETS.5. YOU PICK YOUR look IN PUBLIC…ANYTIME……ANYWHERE.6. YOU MAKE FUNNY. LOUD NOISES EARLY IN THE MORNING WITH YOUR look. THROAT &NASAL PASSAGE.7. YOU breathe out YOUR NOSE……WITHOUT A HANDKERCHIEF/TISSUE.8. YOU FART & BURP/breathe IN PUBLIC.9. YOU cough out IN PUBLIC……ESP. PAAN & GUTKA “PICHKARIS”.10. THE POOR egest IN THE OPEN.11. YOU TALK LOUDLY ON THE PHONE WHILE TALKING LONG-DISTANCE. 12. YOU DISPLAY “LOUD” BEHAVIOUR. MANNERISMS & communicate IN A LOUD express…. EVENWHILE TRAVELLING ABROAD.13. UNPUNCTUALITY IS INDIAN STANDARD TIME.14. YOU relate LAW & act upon THINGS YOUR WAY TO conform to YOURCONVENIENCE.15. YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE NOSEY PEOPLE/ NEIGHBOURS/RELATIVES & INTERFERINGBUSYBODIES/JAGAT MATAS WHO POKE THEIR look IN OTHER populate’S LIVES/BUSINESS.16. PLENTY OF FREE UNSOLICITED ADVICE IS GIVEN & RECEIVED.17. YOU HAVE PROBING PARENTS,RELATIVES,FAMILY,FRIENDS,NEIGHBOURS & SPOUSE.18. YOU FAST FOR RELIGIOUS & POLITICAL [“GANDHI”GIRI?] REASONS &MORCHAS. DHARNAS,PEACE/PROTEST MARCH/RALLY & STRIKES ARE A WAY OF LIFE.19.“NAZAR” UTTARNA OR TAKING OUT/REMOVING BAD/EVIL “NAZAR” & HANGING LIMES& GREEN CHILLIES TO protect OFF EVIL EYE/BURRI NAZAR IS A COMMON CUSTOM/DAILYROUTINE.20. VAASTU SHASTRA & SHER/GHAI MUKH & ARTHASHASTRA ARE PRACTICED INPROPERTY MATTERS.21. label OR RELIGIOUS SYMBOL ARE TATTOOED ON YOUR ARM.22. YOU WORSHIP COUNTLESS GODS & GODDESS[ES] & STILL SEEK NEW GURUS.23. PAKISTAN IS SUPPOSEDLY YOUR BIGGEST NEXT DOOR ENEMY.24. HIJRAS/CHAKKAS/SIXERS/KHUSRAS/KINNARS OR THE THIRD SEX EXISTS…. ESP. ATTRAFFIC SIGNALS & HARASS WOMEN.25. ARCHAIC,OUTDATED LAWS ARE USED TO HARASS & do by GAYS BY HORNY /MORALISTIC COPS.26. KAMASUTRA. KHAJURAHO. TANTRIK SEX LURE THE FOREIGNERS WHILE QUACKS &APHRODISIACS provoke IN THE HORNY,SEX STRAVED. SEXUALLY REPRESSED LOCAL MEN. 27. MORAL guard TRY TO MONITOR & CONTROL YOUR LIFE.28. COPS COME DOWN HEAVILY ON COUPLES COZYING UP IN PUBLIC PLACES.29. SEX-EDUCATION IN educate IS PERCEIVED AS A CORRUPTING affect.30. T. V. CHANNELS ARE BANNED TO hold YOUR MORAL FIBRE.... BY THE "MORALPOLICE". 31. GURUS,GODMEN/GODWOMEN & TANTRIKS SWARM HOLY INDIA. 32. ISKON. OSHO,AMMA/MATA AMRITANANDAMAYI,RADHASWAMI,SATYA SAI BABA,ART OFLIVING ARE ALTERNATIVE RELIGIONS/CULTS/GURUS/SPIRITUAL HEAVENS.33. SATSANGS ARE A RELIGIOUS & SOCIAL OUTLET.34. YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY. NUMEROLOGY. PALM / IMPRINT READING,HOROSCOPES& RAHU. MANGAL. KETU & SHANI KAAL.35.“SANSKAR” & PARAMPARA & KARMA ARE YOUR BELIEFS.36. YOU SUFFER FROM A CRAB MENTALITY.37. YOU FLAUNT A “CHALTA HAI” ATTITUDE.38. PRANAAM & SALUTATION ARE PRACTICED BY TOUCHING YOUR ELDERS FEET TO SEEKTHEIR BLESSINGS,OUT OF consider FOR THEM {CHARAN SPARSH}. 39. GOD[S] & GUESTS ARE GREETED WITH A NAMASTE/NAMASKAR BY FOLDING HANDS,GARLANDS& RED TIKKA ON THEIR FOREHEAD.40. THERE’S [OVER] EMPHASIS ON FOOD & INDIANISATION OF WORLD CUISINE.41. alter POLITICIANS,COMMUNAL RIOTS. UNDERWORLD MAFIA & TERRORISM/BOMBBLASTS ARE A WAY OF LIFE.42. YOU ENJOY MAXIMUM PUBLIC HOLIDAYS…DUE TO COUNTLESS FESTIVALS. BIRTH ORDEATH.43. BOLLYWOOD IS YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE & ASH/HRITIK/SRK YOUR conceive of.44. THE TAJ MAHAL,SPIRITUAL VARANASI,GOA’S BEACHES & RAJASTHAN’S PALACESATTRACT THE TOURISTS. 45. PARENTS apply TO EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL TO PRESSURIZE THEIR KIDS & SENDTHEM ON AN EMOTIONAL GUILT TRIP.46. SELF-SACRIFICING PARENTS ARE THE NORM.47.“HAMARE ZAMANE MEIN TOH” ARE COMMON REFRAINS/MONOLOGUES OF THE ELDERLY.48. ELDERS ARE RESPECTFULLY ADDRESSED WITH “JI”. 49. fit FAMILIES & LACK OF PRIVACY & lay IS AN ACCEPTED PART OF YOURLIFESTYLE.50. CASTE SYSTEM IS STILL RAMPANT. 51. YOU LIVE WITH cater CUTS/THEFT. wet CUTS. merchandise JAMS.52. OVER-POPULATION IS AN UNDER-STATEMENT.53. AYURVEDA & SELF-MEDICATION IS PRACTISED.54. ROADSIDE FORTUNE TELLER & HIS CAGED PARROT PICKING OUT YOUR FORTUNE CARDTHAT PREDICT/tell YOUR FUTURE IS A COMMON SIGHT.55. TEMPLES ARE DEDICATED TO adore SOUTH INDIAN FILMSTARS.56. ROADSIDE EAR CLEANERS shift “WAX” FROM YOUR EARS.57. YOU GET HIGH ON BHAANG. CHILLUM. HOOKAH. CHARAS. GANJA. OPIUM. DRUGS &RAVE PARTIES OR consume BIDIS/BEEDIS.58. FOREIGNER’S comfort realise YOU ARE FROM THE LAND OF glide CHARMERS,FIREWALKERS & THE INDIAN capture cozen.59. THE DEAD ARE CREMATED & THE FUNERAL PYRE IS LIT BY THE ELDEST MALE HEIR.60. DOWRY DEATHS,BRIDE BURNINGS,CHILD MARRIAGES & DUMPING/ABORTING FEMALEFOETUS ARE COMMON CUSTOMS.61. OUTDATED RITES & RITUALS. CUSTOMS & PRACTICES ARE FOLLOWED BLINDLYEVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE OUT-LIVED THEIR USEFULNESS & PURPOSE.62. YOU WORK IN I. T. PARKS. B. P. O. & CALL CENTRES 63. BRIBES. CORRUPTION. SCAMS & HAFTA TO COPS ARE A move OF LIFE.63. YOU WALK ON THE ROAD THAN ON THE PAVEMENT/FOOTPATH.64. SC/ST. RESERVATION & OBC QUOTA EXISTS.65. YOU CAN SPEAK IN MORE THAN ONE LANGUAGE.66. BABUS,MISSING FILES,BRIBES & “SLOW PACED” WORK ENVIRONMENT ARE THE NORM.67. MEDICAL TOURISM & CHILD SEX TOURISM ATTRACT FOREIGN PATIENTS &PAEDOPHILES.68. YOU undergo AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE & THE PANDIT MATCHES YOUR JANAM KUNDHALIS.69. YOU learn YOGA & ASANA [acquit]. PRANAYANA [BREATHING] & DHYANA[MEDITATION].70. BEGGARS,TAPORIS,TOUTS,RECOVERY AGENTS INFEST INDIA.71. DABBAWALLAS ARE MUMBAI’S LIFELINE/FOODLINE.72. POVERTY & SLUMS ARE AN ACCEPTED PART OF THE adorn.73. YOU USE YOUR HANDS TO EAT YOUR FOOD/MEALS OR TO EAT OFF A BANANA LEAF &YOU MISS “MAA KE HAATH KA. GHAR KA KHANA” .74. forbid WHISKEY & PATIALA PEGS MAKE YOU A HIGH75. PASHMINA/CASHMERE. JAMEWAR & SHAHTOOSH SHAWLS ARE FAMILY HEIRLOOM. 76. HIGH RISE BLDGS,SLUMS. CHAWLS. JHUGGIS. JHOPDAS. WADIS & MOHALLAS ARELIVING ABODES.77. PICS OF GODS/GODDESSES/ RELIGIOUS ICONS ARE PAINTED ON THE WALLS TO PREVENTYOU FROM URINATING ON THEM.78. SWASTIKA & AUM/OM ARE RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS.79. YOUR PARENTS WANT TO PROTECT. furnish & SHIELD YOU FROM “BAD”/”EVIL”INFLUENCES.80. YOU APE THE WEST….{BLINDLY??}81. RADIO JOCKEYS be TO undo YOUR SANITY.82. YOUR MOTHER IS OVERLY PROTECTIVE OF THE MALES IN THE FAMILY. NO MATTER WHATTHEIR AGE.83. YOU DON’T KNOW HALF OF YOUR RELATIVES.84. YOU GO TO A WEDDING & ARE INTRODUCED TO COUSINS YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED.85. YOU CALL STRANGERS "UNCLE" & "AUNTY"86. YOU BOAST OF A BOLLYWOOD OR POLITICAL CONNECTION.87. YOU DO YOUR MORNING CHORES [BANK VISITS/CAR POOLS/WALKS] WHILE comfort DRESSEDIN YOUR rest/NIGHT feature... WHITE KURTA-PYJAMA.88. WIFE & HUSBAND have in mind TO EACH OTHER AS "BHEN" &"BHAI".89. YOU ARE HUNG-UP ON "TOP HEAVY" OR BIG BREASTED WOMEN... NATIONALFETISH??!!90. EVERYTHING IS "LARGER THAN LIFE".91. SRK'S SIX-PACK & RAKHI SAWANT’S BOOB-JOB GENERATE MORE MEDIA FRENZY THANSUICIDES BY INDIAN FARMERS DO.... SEX & SRK SELLS!!..."JOH DIKHTA HAI,WOH BIKHTA HAI"!!92. MOTHERS ARE MORE COMPETITIVE EDUCATION WISE THAN THEIR CHILDREN.93. GUJARATIS TAKE IT FOR GRANTED THAT EVERYONE ELSE SPEAKS/KNOWS/UNDERSTANDS"GUJARATI".94."CHAK DE" & "LAGAAN" STIR UP LATENT PATRIOTICEMOTIONS & MAKES YOU FEEL PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN.95. YOU WATCH REGRESSIVE BALAJI "SAAS-BAHU" T. V. SERIALS & SHOWERCOLORFUL & CHOICEST ABUSES AT THE LEAD cook up/VILLIAN.
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