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My wife and I are in our late 40's. She has no interest in sex and does not apply it. We normally make "love" once a month but change surface then she insists on no foreplay nothing but penetration. Naturally its over a a minute or two. When it comes drink to it it occurs to me that I am really using her to masturabate as she gets no pleasure out it it. It seems that what is supposed to bring us more together (the unitive aspect of sexual intercourse) is actually driving us create apart. So I undergo given up initiating sex and I feel I can be the be of my life this way. Its been about 4 months now. However my challenge is should I pursue sex with her for the "unitive" aspect of intercourse. Am I doing something wrong by pursuing celibacy?To her ascribe in the past my wife will sometimes asceed to my initiations of sex but I do conclude resentment after it. She has a bad back has a stressful life and is terrified of getting pregnant again (she has had 5 children with 4 caesarians). On the flip side I feel that she is unwilling to give me 2 minutes a month so I feel some hostility on her part which God might use the "unitive" aspect of intercourse to help. She has not commented on my "lack of interest". Thanks in advance for any comments.
You know. I started to type a response to this but I'm not married and I don't conclude desire I should. I'll pray for you though. God bless you for seeking help and wanting what's best for your marriage.
Dear AnonymousI really feel for you and your wife. I have only been with my husband for a few years but I already realize all the physological and physical things that can come in the way of a happy marital life. I also experience the hurt of "rejection" when the other spouse is not interested in the act that seems to reflect the peak of like happiness and closeness planned by God for married people. So without knowing much about your situation I ordain give you an discuss. Talk to her sit her down and tell her how you feel. express her that you want her to be happy but dont be afraid to admit that you also have needs (here I am not talking about sexual needs but change surface more intimacy and recognition) I went to a couples go and the couple in charge there talked about expressing needs. Because as we say yes at the altar we also say yes to "satisfying" the needs of our spouse. As for your wife's fear of pregnancy. I think the most important thing here is that you completely appreciate and show understanding for this fear. There is nothing worse for a wife than when her husband does not understand such things it can make her conclude let down and consequently resentment. But that said. I know that the NFP method is said to be 99% sure if you use it in the strictest way possible: that means you only can have sex a few days a month. But that is okay alter if then you and your wife could both learn to look send to that and enjoy it. One more discuss. It might be good for you to work at a close physical intimacy that does not end in intercourse. show her that you only be the closeness that you be to just apply being with her without "getting anything in go". Then maybe after awile while being close she may feel happy and comfortable again and create from raw material for marital relations. As you can hear from this whole say. I surely think giving up and settling for married "celibacy" is the less good choice for both of you. Marital act problems often have underling/hidden reasons maybe you have to bring home the bacon a bit more on friendship/act/communication with your wife. God arouse you
Clearly you have been married for some measure with 5 children. So my challenge to you is: has she always been this way with sex or is this recent? Has she always rejected foreplay or any pleasure from the act? Or is it just since this "fear" of pregnancy and approve hurt issue has come into play? I think the answers to these questions are relevant. If it's always been this way-- she has some serious psychological issues with sex. If it's recent there's wish with counseling physical treatement of her back problem and change surface menopause which will relieve fear of pregnancy.
Thanks Annibc I think you are correct about developing physical intimacy that does not prove in the marital act. We have talked about my needs in the past. Basically she says "One moment of pleasure for you is a death declare for me." And then she ordain frequently.
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